If this happened to you?
Joan asked:
My son’s an 18yr senior in hs and has spring break this week. I went out w/ a friend last night, came home around 11pm and found him and his girlfriend, who’s 16.5yrs, alseep on the couch w/ the TV on. I woke her up to ask her what time she needed to be home and she said her mother was away for the night & said she could go home or stay at my house if it was ok. I didn’t think anything of it and said ok. She took the guest room in the basement & my son was upstairs. (burglar alarm on so no one could “roam” the halls). At 4am, the doorbell rang & it was her mother looking for her. Apparently the two got into a fight & she didn’t want to go home. The mother got annoyed w/ ME for allowing her daughter to stay at my house and what was I thinking trusting a 17yrs word of mouth etc.
My son’s an 18yr senior in hs and has spring break this week. I went out w/ a friend last night, came home around 11pm and found him and his girlfriend, who’s 16.5yrs, alseep on the couch w/ the TV on. I woke her up to ask her what time she needed to be home and she said her mother was away for the night & said she could go home or stay at my house if it was ok. I didn’t think anything of it and said ok. She took the guest room in the basement & my son was upstairs. (burglar alarm on so no one could “roam” the halls). At 4am, the doorbell rang & it was her mother looking for her. Apparently the two got into a fight & she didn’t want to go home. The mother got annoyed w/ ME for allowing her daughter to stay at my house and what was I thinking trusting a 17yrs word of mouth etc.
She got a piece of my mind, but how would you feel in this situation if it happened to you? Those who have teens, do you trust them?
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May 28th, 2009 at 9:34 pm
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I would have trusted her if I didn’t have a reason not to.
At almost 17yrs, she should know right from wrong. She’s not 9, 10yrs where you have to say, “Well lets call your mom just to make sure.” She flat out knew she was lying and that doing so would cause some kind of issue.
I have two daughter who are 18yr high school seniors as well. I trust them because they haven’t given me a reason not to. Sure they make mistakes from time to time, but have never pulled anything like what you described. If that was my daughter, I’d be extremely embarrassed and annoyed with MY kid. You didn’t lie for her. You didn’t tell her stay or bring up the option. She brought this upon herself.
May 29th, 2009 at 2:24 am
burglar alarms
I had a friend tell me that ALL kids are liars. I’ve been having a problem with my daughter lying. We are nipping it in the bud. I let her know that it will no longer be tolerated. I wouldn’t have believed her. I would have called to check with her mom. I definitely would have told her that she had to go home. I don’t blame her mom for being mad. I would just tell the mom what the daughter told you so that she isn’t mad with you. Aren’t teenagers fun? LOL Lots of luck to you.
June 1st, 2009 at 4:19 am
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I think you should have a private discussion with your son’s girlfriend and calmly explain to her what a difficult position she put you in. Ask her to be more thoughtful with respect to the consequences she can bring to others by not being truthful.
I think this discussion will hopefully let her know that she was inconsiderate and let her know that tit’s possible for the two of you to still have a good relationship – one that’s based on trust.
June 4th, 2009 at 8:30 am
burglar alarms
I to have Teens and yes I trust them total. I also give them free roam and my one rule is the I do not mind where they are as long as I know. It is their respondsability to keep me informed of their whereabouts. In saying that, they have not let me down and by respecting their rights as individuals they know what is right and wrong. 17 years old is also old enough to know what they are doing, I disagree with the fact she did not let her mum know she was safe, but it also was not the mothers right to blame you for keeping her daughter safe
June 5th, 2009 at 12:33 pm
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I would have believed her also since she has not given you a reason not to. I trust my teens until they give me a reason not to.
June 7th, 2009 at 6:50 am
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I don’t have a teenager that old but I do have a 12.5yr old currently. He recently attempted close to the same thing. He thought/thinks he old enough for the girlfriend thing. I don’t think so. As for what you did, I think it was about all you can do. The alarm was set and you obiviously trust your son enough to have a girlfriend so what more were you suppose to do!! Just next time she comes around your son let her know that she can talk to you, after all she’s your son’s girlfriend. My mother-in-law talked to me about stuff I couldn’t talk to my mother about. So way to go!! Good luck sounds like you are in for it in the future!!
June 8th, 2009 at 6:41 am
burglar alarms
Both the girlfriend and the mother’s behavior was completely out of line. I can understand that the mother was extremely annoyed, but her anger should have been toward her daughter, not you.
My daughter Sam turned 18 in Dec and in currently a senior in high school. One of her friends did something similar last year. She told me that her mother said it was ok for her to stay over and I didn’t think anything of it. The mother called my house frantic a little after 1am, asking her daughter was there. I said that she was the mother’s voice changed from worry to complete anger. She was at my house 5 minutes later and started screaming at her daughter in the middle of my foyer. Apparently the girl was punished and not suppose to leave the house, yet she had been at my house since 8pm.
At that age, as other said, she knows right from wrong. I trust my daughter because she’s never proved to me that she can’t be tusted. If she did something like this, I would have been annoyed soley with HER.